As much as I love love saying the words, "I'm going back to Paris this weekend," I always have have to follow with the drab truth that I am not going to France. There is a tiny town in north east Texas called Paris (near the border of Oklahoma), and my man friend and I have friends there. It's a nice little place out in the country about 2 hours from home, and just far enough out of the way to make it feel like a vacation. There are adorable little overpriced antique shops in the town square, and our friends have the most adorable little girl I've ever known. The funny (amazing) thing is, we don't really listen to the radio on those drives, we talk the entire time.
The reason this is relevant to this blog is because before we left, something really embarrassing happened to me. I shall start from the beginning:
It was my dad's birthday party, and it was marti gras themed. There were beads in the trees in the back yard, a fire pit, and candles scattered around the garden. People wore masks, and my mother made some amazing food. I was tempted to wear my $6 plastic boobs that I got for Halloween one year, but I was informed that they are tacky. The party was really nice, and I've come to enjoy the themes my family put together, no matter how random they seem. (example: my mothers 42nd birthday party was deemed a hot flash bash, and everything was pink and red and we all had hand fans).
Well, after the party wound down, I was saying my goodbyes around the fire pit. When I went to stand up to get out of my chair, I realized that my ass was stuck. I mean, I stood up and the chair came with me, quite literally clutching my hips like a monkey on it's mothers back. Needless to say, my family started laughing at me. I sat back down and made a depressing "awwwwww" sound that made everyone laugh harder. Because it was my family, I wasn't so much embarrassed as I would have been around strangers or friends. Thank god.
Well that started the ride out to Paris on a fat note. We started talking about dieting. The discussion very quickly jumped on my weight watchers smart ones that I take to lunch vs. his 3 sandwhiches ("But I'm using LOW FAT MAYONASE!"). This man is not impossible to argue with, but winning him over is absolutely futile. I mentioned that the weight watchers program works really well if we both got on it and stuck to it, we could loose a lot of weight. We could research online and find out exactly how many points each of us should get to avoid the meetings and membership fees. Then there were the pros and cons of counting calories vs. counting points vs. just eating healthy. The discussion dwindled down to the fact that no matter which way we went, we would have to keep count of things, and neither of us would realistically stick to that very long. Then the topic moved to gyms and their benefits. I pointed out that there is no way I'm going to work for 9 hours, then go WORK OUT every night (or every other night for that matter). I know myself. That membership will be waisted. We finally decided that a walk by the lake in the evenings wouldn't kill us.
We discussed what our options are for the entire 2 hours. There was no agreement on any type of program or routine that would work for both of us as a team. We concluded that we are going to have to go at our weight problems on our own.
When we got to Paris, we let it all go. We relaxed and watched movies and laughed and played with the kid and the dogs. Sunday night, I was in the bathroom washing my face and their 3 year old little girl came in behind me and said, "Woah! You have a REALLY BIG BUTT!" Have I mentioned that I don't like kids? We'll save that subject for another time.
As far as my weight loss progress has gone, it really hasn't. I haven't really dropped any significant weight since December. But I haven't gained any weight either, so I suppose that's a step in the right direction. Or at very least, not a backslide down the big fat hill.
For dinner tonight, I'm cutting up potatoes and chicken sausage and baking it in the oven with some rosemary. And I'm having a Shiner Light Blonde (that's only 99 calories of delicious Texas Shiner Bock goodness).
This is going to be a very long process.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Valentines
My man friend doesn't believe in valentines day. He never has, and has made it very clear that he would never be going out of his way to do something special for me on purpose February 14th. Ever.
As harsh as that sounds, and as heart broken as alot of women would be, I have to agree with him. It's a commercial holiday, and we don't need it. We are romantic enough as is. We smuggle, and we trade back/shoulder/foot massages about once a week. We leave each other love notes scattered around the apartment, on the fridge, and scrawled in sharpie on my bathroom mirror. I wear sexy bras and panties pretty often, so it's not like I would be surprising him with something unexpected (more importantly, nothing I'd feel foolish, fat, and uncomfortable in). We make each other nice dinners because we want to, and he brings home flowers more often than all the guys I've dated combined. We have date nights about once a month, but because we love each others company and we have so much fun, it's like every night is date night. After 5 years, we're getting better all the time.
Last weekend, I got sick. It's just the usual crap that comes along at least twice a year, where my ears itch, my throat hurts, and I barely move from the couch to the bed for 48 hours. I turn into this pitiful hideous snot monster, but he still wants to kiss me.
He called me before he left work and joked about how terrible I sounded. He told me that he was in a Starbucks war with a girl he works with, and he wanted to know exactly how to say my drink so he could out Starbucks her before he came home. So i told him to grab a pen, "venti skinny upside down white chocolate mocha extra hot no whip". I squeaked out that 17 syllables would surely win him the war.
Well, low and behold, he came home with my venti skinny upside down white chocolate mocha extra hot no whip. Not only did it melt the pain from my throat momentarily, it also melted my heart. I know it's just coffee, but it's MY favorite coffee. And this is not a man who drinks much coffee at all, much less $7 coffee.
So yesterday, Valentines day, I called in sick with my sickness. We stayed in bed till 3pm, and I drank hot tea and littered the floor beside my bed with used tissues. Finally, when we talked ourselves into making a move, we decided to run some errands. We went to make his truck payment, and we window shopped for a little while. I wanted to go to Charming Charlies (this amazing little accessories store that's organized by color-GENIUS-that's super inexpensive-nothing over $40, and most everything under $20). I frequently buy obscure jewelry, that my mother refers to as "tacky." I have owl necklaces and big over sized flower rings and rhinestone studded big bird rings. My man friend thinks it's awesome, and he loves that I wear weird things. When I told him they were opening a CC in town, he pinpointed exactly where it's going to be. When I told him I wanted to see if it was open yet, he replied, "it's not."
"How do you know?"
"Because I checked already."
"When?!"
"Two days ago, and two days before that, and two days before that. Just trust me."
I'm so excited that he's going to buy me a present from there! Knowing him, he's going to buy me lots of little things from there from now on. Because he's thoughtful and amazing like that.
Later that night we went out to eat on a double date with his brother and his new girlfriend. It was one of those mexican food places where you stand in line and build your own burritos, so nothing super fancy. I was barely wearing makeup, and I still felt like poop. After that, we played a few games of pool and went home. We sat on the couch and before we knew it, 5 hours had passed. That's what it's like with him, hours fly by like minutes.
I could go on and on about how wonderful he is, and how much I absolutely adore him, but it's safe to assume that it would make you gag, whoever you are.
As harsh as that sounds, and as heart broken as alot of women would be, I have to agree with him. It's a commercial holiday, and we don't need it. We are romantic enough as is. We smuggle, and we trade back/shoulder/foot massages about once a week. We leave each other love notes scattered around the apartment, on the fridge, and scrawled in sharpie on my bathroom mirror. I wear sexy bras and panties pretty often, so it's not like I would be surprising him with something unexpected (more importantly, nothing I'd feel foolish, fat, and uncomfortable in). We make each other nice dinners because we want to, and he brings home flowers more often than all the guys I've dated combined. We have date nights about once a month, but because we love each others company and we have so much fun, it's like every night is date night. After 5 years, we're getting better all the time.
Last weekend, I got sick. It's just the usual crap that comes along at least twice a year, where my ears itch, my throat hurts, and I barely move from the couch to the bed for 48 hours. I turn into this pitiful hideous snot monster, but he still wants to kiss me.
He called me before he left work and joked about how terrible I sounded. He told me that he was in a Starbucks war with a girl he works with, and he wanted to know exactly how to say my drink so he could out Starbucks her before he came home. So i told him to grab a pen, "venti skinny upside down white chocolate mocha extra hot no whip". I squeaked out that 17 syllables would surely win him the war.
Well, low and behold, he came home with my venti skinny upside down white chocolate mocha extra hot no whip. Not only did it melt the pain from my throat momentarily, it also melted my heart. I know it's just coffee, but it's MY favorite coffee. And this is not a man who drinks much coffee at all, much less $7 coffee.
So yesterday, Valentines day, I called in sick with my sickness. We stayed in bed till 3pm, and I drank hot tea and littered the floor beside my bed with used tissues. Finally, when we talked ourselves into making a move, we decided to run some errands. We went to make his truck payment, and we window shopped for a little while. I wanted to go to Charming Charlies (this amazing little accessories store that's organized by color-GENIUS-that's super inexpensive-nothing over $40, and most everything under $20). I frequently buy obscure jewelry, that my mother refers to as "tacky." I have owl necklaces and big over sized flower rings and rhinestone studded big bird rings. My man friend thinks it's awesome, and he loves that I wear weird things. When I told him they were opening a CC in town, he pinpointed exactly where it's going to be. When I told him I wanted to see if it was open yet, he replied, "it's not."
"How do you know?"
"Because I checked already."
"When?!"
"Two days ago, and two days before that, and two days before that. Just trust me."
I'm so excited that he's going to buy me a present from there! Knowing him, he's going to buy me lots of little things from there from now on. Because he's thoughtful and amazing like that.
Later that night we went out to eat on a double date with his brother and his new girlfriend. It was one of those mexican food places where you stand in line and build your own burritos, so nothing super fancy. I was barely wearing makeup, and I still felt like poop. After that, we played a few games of pool and went home. We sat on the couch and before we knew it, 5 hours had passed. That's what it's like with him, hours fly by like minutes.
I could go on and on about how wonderful he is, and how much I absolutely adore him, but it's safe to assume that it would make you gag, whoever you are.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Talking About Taking A Vacation
I got my income tax check the other day. I'll have some extra cash laying around after I get my car inspected. I'm not good with money, or regular vehicle maintenance. But, I'm trying to be a more responsible adult, and with that comes perks. Like my week of paid vacation, that I can take at any time.
So last night, after my lady tv shows went off, I held a conversation with my man friend. I told him since we are going to have a few hundred bucks each from the IRS, we should plan our vacation early. Because my uncle lives in Florida and has tons of room, I thought maybe we could fly down there and stay 4 or 5 days. And you know what he said to me? "I can't even think about getting on a plane until I have like, $3000 saved up. And I've never been a fan of Florida."
Humph.
First of all, that asshole has never had $3000 saved up that wasn't designated for something significant and important, and neither have I. And furthermore, I don't think I'll EVER have $3000 saved up. I'm not a saver. So sue me.
Secondly, that asshole has never been on a plane in his life, much less been to Florida. You can't judge a state by it's sport teams. That's just fucking ridiculous.
Third, and most likely, if he's worried about being the fattest asshole on the beach, he needs to get over it. I went last year and I felt like a sea cow, but I had a blast and I didn't let it effect my vacation negatively. That's just motivation for me to get my chunky monkey legs slimmed down on my exercise bike!
The conversation was not over, so I suggested maybe a drive down to New Orleans for a few days instead. I've been to New Orleans 3 or 4 times, and I love the old cemeteries, the night life is fun, and the food is incredible. He didn't totally shoot me down, but he made it pretty clear that New Orleans was not on the top of his to-do list. Basically, he wasn't in the mood to discuss any sort of vacation at all, because there was nothing that came out of my mouth that sounded good to him. He bummed me out, and he knew it.
I voiced out loud that I'll just go by myself. I don't NEED him to go with me anywhere, I just WANTED him to come with me somewhere. He's not alot of fun to travel with anyway.
We have been friends for almost 8 years, and we have never been out of the state together. We have friends spread all over Texas that we go to visit for long weekends, at least 10 times a year. Then I have some friends in Austin that I visit with at least once a year on my own. But 3 day weekends are not VACATIONS. A big trip requires early planning if you want to save money on a ticket.
Anyway, I'm done. I'm going out for drinks with my sister at 7. Partly because I don't want to go home and have him bum me out again, and partly because I want to talk trash over a long island iced tea.
Happy weekend, whoever you are.
So last night, after my lady tv shows went off, I held a conversation with my man friend. I told him since we are going to have a few hundred bucks each from the IRS, we should plan our vacation early. Because my uncle lives in Florida and has tons of room, I thought maybe we could fly down there and stay 4 or 5 days. And you know what he said to me? "I can't even think about getting on a plane until I have like, $3000 saved up. And I've never been a fan of Florida."
Humph.
First of all, that asshole has never had $3000 saved up that wasn't designated for something significant and important, and neither have I. And furthermore, I don't think I'll EVER have $3000 saved up. I'm not a saver. So sue me.
Secondly, that asshole has never been on a plane in his life, much less been to Florida. You can't judge a state by it's sport teams. That's just fucking ridiculous.
Third, and most likely, if he's worried about being the fattest asshole on the beach, he needs to get over it. I went last year and I felt like a sea cow, but I had a blast and I didn't let it effect my vacation negatively. That's just motivation for me to get my chunky monkey legs slimmed down on my exercise bike!
The conversation was not over, so I suggested maybe a drive down to New Orleans for a few days instead. I've been to New Orleans 3 or 4 times, and I love the old cemeteries, the night life is fun, and the food is incredible. He didn't totally shoot me down, but he made it pretty clear that New Orleans was not on the top of his to-do list. Basically, he wasn't in the mood to discuss any sort of vacation at all, because there was nothing that came out of my mouth that sounded good to him. He bummed me out, and he knew it.
I voiced out loud that I'll just go by myself. I don't NEED him to go with me anywhere, I just WANTED him to come with me somewhere. He's not alot of fun to travel with anyway.
We have been friends for almost 8 years, and we have never been out of the state together. We have friends spread all over Texas that we go to visit for long weekends, at least 10 times a year. Then I have some friends in Austin that I visit with at least once a year on my own. But 3 day weekends are not VACATIONS. A big trip requires early planning if you want to save money on a ticket.
Anyway, I'm done. I'm going out for drinks with my sister at 7. Partly because I don't want to go home and have him bum me out again, and partly because I want to talk trash over a long island iced tea.
Happy weekend, whoever you are.
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