Paris and My Fat Ass

As much as I love love saying the words, "I'm going back to Paris this weekend," I always have have to follow with the drab truth that I am not going to France. There is a tiny town in north east Texas called Paris (near the border of Oklahoma), and my man friend and I have friends there. It's a nice little place out in the country about 2 hours from home, and just far enough out of the way to make it feel like a vacation. There are adorable little overpriced antique shops in the town square, and our friends have the most adorable little girl I've ever known. The funny (amazing) thing is, we don't really listen to the radio on those drives, we talk the entire time.
The reason this is relevant to this blog is because before we left, something really embarrassing happened to me. I shall start from the beginning:
It was my dad's birthday party, and it was marti gras themed. There were beads in the trees in the back yard, a fire pit, and candles scattered around the garden. People wore masks, and my mother made some amazing food. I was tempted to wear my $6 plastic boobs that I got for Halloween one year, but I was informed that they are tacky. The party was really nice, and I've come to enjoy the themes my family put together, no matter how random they seem. (example: my mothers 42nd birthday party was deemed a hot flash bash, and everything was pink and red and we all had hand fans).
Well, after the party wound down, I was saying my goodbyes around the fire pit. When I went to stand up to get out of my chair, I realized that my ass was stuck. I mean, I stood up and the chair came with me, quite literally clutching my hips like a monkey on it's mothers back. Needless to say, my family started laughing at me. I sat back down and made a depressing "awwwwww" sound that made everyone laugh harder. Because it was my family, I wasn't so much embarrassed as I would have been around strangers or friends. Thank god.
Well that started the ride out to Paris on a fat note. We started talking about dieting. The discussion very quickly jumped on my weight watchers smart ones that I take to lunch vs. his 3 sandwhiches ("But I'm using LOW FAT MAYONASE!"). This man is not impossible to argue with, but winning him over is absolutely futile. I mentioned that the weight watchers program works really well if we both got on it and stuck to it, we could loose a lot of weight. We could research online and find out exactly how many points each of us should get to avoid the meetings and membership fees. Then there were the pros and cons of counting calories vs. counting points vs. just eating healthy. The discussion dwindled down to the fact that no matter which way we went, we would have to keep count of things, and neither of us would realistically stick to that very long. Then the topic moved to gyms and their benefits. I pointed out that there is no way I'm going to work for 9 hours, then go WORK OUT every night (or every other night for that matter). I know myself. That membership will be waisted. We finally decided that a walk by the lake in the evenings wouldn't kill us.
We discussed what our options are for the entire 2 hours. There was no agreement on any type of program or routine that would work for both of us as a team. We concluded that we are going to have to go at our weight problems on our own.
When we got to Paris, we let it all go. We relaxed and watched movies and laughed and played with the kid and the dogs. Sunday night, I was in the bathroom washing my face and their 3 year old little girl came in behind me and said, "Woah! You have a REALLY BIG BUTT!" Have I mentioned that I don't like kids? We'll save that subject for another time.
As far as my weight loss progress has gone, it really hasn't. I haven't really dropped any significant weight since December. But I haven't gained any weight either, so I suppose that's a step in the right direction. Or at very least, not a backslide down the big fat hill.
For dinner tonight, I'm cutting up potatoes and chicken sausage and baking it in the oven with some rosemary. And I'm having a Shiner Light Blonde (that's only 99 calories of delicious Texas Shiner Bock goodness).
This is going to be a very long process.

Inches

I got a measuring tape the other day. On my WiiFitPlus, I can keep track of my waist measurements, and my first one clocked in at 53.5 inches. That's more than 4 feet around, and just a little depressing. If you stretch out the 53.5 inches in one long line, it's kindof baffling. That's how ROUND my waist is, and stretched out strait like that is a sortof visual kick in the ass. It hasn't made me retaliate on myself in a negative way. I still do the same things I always do. It's just a new number to think about.
Speaking of numbers, my mother and I went out to lunch the other day. We had some pretty crappy (and terribly unhealthy) mexican food, and we talked about our weight almost the entire time. I told her about how that 1oo pounds I had lost crept back up on me over 4 years, and she's just as baffled as I am. I told her I don't really believe in the all mighty BMI while she is a firm believer in it, even though we're both at the top of the charts. I told her that it's not the NUMBERS I'm worried about, it's the CLOTHES i want to fit in to. And I'll do it my way.
I've been doing pretty good at checking in on Wii. 16 days out of 30 isn't half bad. My weight graft is slowly declining, although there are spikes when I mistakenly weighed in right after I had a late dinner and a few drinks. I'll be happy at the end of the year if the graft showed moderately steady weight loss, and not a drastic decline. I'd say I'm doing a pretty good job keeping it up. I've gone about 20 miles on my exercise bike since I got it set up in my living room. I won't lie and say it's an every day battle, because it's not. but I'm proud of what I've been doing, because it's more healthy than doing nothing.

Being Obese

So here's what I've been up to this year thus far:

1. I've been making some mean greens, and doing without the carbs all together at least twice a week. Brussel sprouts are a new favorite of mine, and I saute them in one part butter, one part extra virgin olive oil, a little sea salt, a bunch of pepper, and an entire head of garlic. They're so damn good with grilled chicken that I don't even miss potatoes or noodles as the "fill me up." Also, steamed broccoli is pretty amazing.

2. My workout schedule has been hit and miss. Hit meaning, when I hit the nail on the head, I hit it HARD. I mix up my time between my exercise bike and doing the hula hoop and other various games on the Wii for an entire day. I make sure to sit down every hour or so for at least half an hour, and I drink water and stretch out my legs on the floor while I watch the cooking channel. I like the feel of my legs burning, and I visualize the inches coming off.
When I miss though, I'll miss for 2 or 3 days straight. I'll eat fried foods, and drink white russians, and pig out on a sushi buffet. And shockingly enough, every time I get on to weigh my shame, I'm expecting to have gained at least 10 pounds back. Shockingly enough, I am steadily loosing about 2 a week. Which means I'm up to a total of minus 6 pounds since I started giving a shit. And that's pretty awesome.

3. I have the internet in my apartment now, and I've never been so in love. I've been following a bunch of blogs closely, and I've been stealing crafty ideas for my tiny little nest. I realized last week how much I'm in love with my bedroom. Oh, and I've been balls deep on the couch watching United States Of Tara on Netflix for the past 3 nights in a row. Now that I think of it, I should really be on the exercise bike while I'm ignoring everything around me for 30 minutes at a time. I'd be finishing it now, except that my power's out.

What I really need to do soon:

1. I need to get a measuring tape. I want to track how many inches I'm loosing. I don't care so much about my hips and my belly (bellies, let's be honest) but my thunder thighs are not going to be missed, and I want to celebrate their passing with every inch.

2. I want a pedometer. I'm curious how many steps I take a day. I know I could get one of those cheap ones from the dollar store, but I don't trust them.

3. I need to clean out my closet. There is a mountain of clothes ready to swallow me whole. I have a laundry bin in the bathroom that's going to rot through to my downstairs neighbor if I don't empty it soon. I've got those space saver bags where you suck out all the air to make room for more shit, and I need to put them back in use. What's more, I need to take a bag to Good Will to donate, instead of bringing more artsy crafty crap home.

Playlist Part 1: Pop

My exercise bike is finally put together!

There is something about music that makes exercise easier. For me, it's two things: the beat and the timing. Working out to a beat makes for less mental stress, especially if I love the song. Timing, on the other hand, signals to me when I'm close to the finish line. If I know I only have 3 songs left to go, it makes that last 10 minutes come and go a lot faster.

Here is a super poppy workout playlist I've put together.

"F**K You" - Cee Lo Green
"Bad Romance" - Lady Gaga
"Price Tag" - Jessie J
"Hey Ya" -Outkast
"I'm Sexy And I Know It" - LMFAO
"Born This Way" - Lady Gaga
"What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" - Kelly Clarkson
"The Edge Of Glory" - Lady Gaga
"Rolling In The Deep" - Adele